I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
