Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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