if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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