I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
