The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize