mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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