Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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