dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
