Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
