New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This toilet bowl is my home.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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