did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
