Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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