I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
