I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
