just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
