Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
