She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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