It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
