i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
