My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
