So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
