dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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