I bet he comes in French.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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