its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
