It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
