Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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