She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
