This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
