I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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