I hope mine doesn't look like that
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
