He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
