There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
