you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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