Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh god it's open bar.
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