so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
