i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
