I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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