still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
