Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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