I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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