You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am available for nakedness
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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