Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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