All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
