so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
