And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize