I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
