what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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