I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
