woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
