Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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