Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
