It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
