what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
