I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
