I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
