drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
