It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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