I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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