But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
