What a fucking waste of an outfit
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
