I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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