is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
