Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
being pregnant is like rehab
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
