i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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