I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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