four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
