i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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