and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize